I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
