I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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