why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
