Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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