no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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