It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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