remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
