my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
