Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
