I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
