I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
