i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
