did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
