I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
