I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
