So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
