I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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