Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
