I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
