Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
