Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
