I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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