I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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