guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
