I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
