Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize