I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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