Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
