My sheets look like a crime scene.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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