I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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