Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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