I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
