I hate your face
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
