I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
