I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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