Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
