Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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