1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
