Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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