Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
