Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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