its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
