i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
