I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize