you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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