True but thats because hes a fetus.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize