They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
