wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
