fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
where am i from again
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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