wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize