I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have tasted many bathrooms
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
