never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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