So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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