I think I died a long time ago.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
