Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
