He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
