My liver just broke up with me...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I party with great urgency now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize