yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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