You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
