Acid is not a monday night drug
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
