mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
