We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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