Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
