New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
