"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
