is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
