I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
