Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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