moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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