Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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