My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize