Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
