Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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