My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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