The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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