Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
