happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
