READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
