Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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