So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
