...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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