i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
