Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
