im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize