I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
