ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
