i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
