He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
