New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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