my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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