just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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