O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize