"it" just moved
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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