Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
this hospital has no fireball
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
