Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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