Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
