That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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